Live Bloggin' : The 2011 Academy Awards

Due to overwhelming demand -- Terrence Russell Adams and myself will be live bloggin' the 2001 Academy Awards. I've turned in my ballot -- and I believe Terrence has as well -- so were just about ready to get started. Keep checking back here to see a real-time accumulation of our skewering on Facebook. If you want to join in the fun -- go ahead and comment. We're sure to post some outsider slogging.

TRA: Terrence Russell Adams
KJE: Kevin J. Elliott

(photos courtesy of Kristin Patton)

The fun begins at 8:30 PM EST.:

11:41 It's late, my local news is starting. I'll leave it with Terrence's zinger. Brilliant. Thanks everyone for joining us. I lost my pool.

‎11:40 Okay, okay. I can't do anything more. Anne Hathaway's unibrow and James Franco's contact buzz would like me to say goodnight. I gotta say, the win of the night was Randy Newman. Kevin, thanks again for putting on this little shindig. I'll see you at game 1 of the NBA Finals. - TRA

11:39 Oh for the love of god. Kids from Queens should know that there's nowhere over the rainbow. - TRA

11:38 They weren't all that happy with that win. They were no Arcade Fire... - KJE


11:35 What, no Tron: Legacy? - TRA

‎11:34 I would really prefer Winter's Bone or Black Swan here, but it's not going to happen. Listen to the voice over.... - KJE

11:33 Black Swan. Black. Swan. - TRA

11:32 Why they only show this catchy Spanish language McDonald's commercial during Awards ceremonies is beyond me. - KJE

‎11:28 It's really nice to see Shakespeare in Love 2 winning so much tonight. - TRA

‎11:26 Not one American understands a word Colin Firth is speaking right now. - KJE


11:24 Stoned Backstage. Brilliant Franco. - KJE

11:23 Eisenberg deserves it, but Colin Firth is gonna win it. Goddamn it. - TRA

11:22 He was also Starman. Win. - KJE

‎11:20 Ladies and gentlemen, Jesse James' wife...oh shit. - TRA

11:19 "Flub, Drink At Home" Brilliant Hathaway. - KJE

11:17 Shout out to Luc Besson. Okay, that's alright. - TRA

11:16 Natalie Portman, say something awkward and horrifying. - TRA

11:13 Yeah. Nicole Kidman is always a great actress. Rabbit Hole very underrated. But Jennifer Lawrence is Hollywood WOW. - KJE

‎11:12 Jeff Bridges is about ready to get real with these bitches. - TRA

11:08 Francis Ford Coppola, you fat piece of shit. - TRA

11:07 Annette Bening looks like somebody stuck her face in front of a jet engine. - TRA

11:03 Yup, Shakespeare in Love 2. Fucking travesty. - TRA

11:03 My ballot is toast now. - KJE

11:02 - @terrence. Exit Through the Gift Shop -- TNV pick. - KJE

11:00 Times New Viking, what is your Best Picture pick? - TRA

10:59 Where was Corey Haim? - KJE


‎10:55 R.I.P. Blake Edwards. He'll be rolling in his grave soon with the premiere of Arthur with Russell Brand. - KJE

10:52 Find a pack of rabid gerbils, feed those gerbils to a pack of diseased tigers, have those tigers scratch a gaggle of poodles and have those poodles eat the entrails of Celine Dion. - TRA

10:52 I'd trade Hitler for Celine Dion. - KJE

‎10:48 Halle Berry Died? - KJE

10:47 Thank you Randy Newman. Thank you very much. - TRA

10:46 "This is my category motherfuckers. I own this bitch." Jared Phillips re: Randy Newman -- KJE

‎10:43 Florence is a fucking sell out man. Do more award shows, you HACK. - TRA

10:43 Thought we killed Florence and her Machine at the Grammys? Absolutely worse thing ever. - KJE

10:42 Franco is destroying tonight. I must say. - TRA

10:41 Roger Ebert called Jennifer Hudson a traffic cone. He tweets more than @timesnewviking. - KJE

10:36 The answer to that Billy Crystal/B.C. question is Family Circus. - TRA

10:36 Trudging through these categories is like trying to enjoy (the Decemberist). #obligatoryindieslam - KJE

10:33 Heroin. That's what I feel like I'm on right now. Lots and lots of really cheap heroin. - TRA

10:30 Bob Hope's corpse just did a back flip in his grave. - TRA

10:27 "Dude you were awesome in Tooth Fairy. Just throwing it out there." Adam. Which is funnier Billy Crystal or B.C. (the amusing daily comic strip) ? - KJE

‎10:27 Awwwww shit. Really? Billy Crystal? There's a man who stopped hosting the Oscars so that he could make appointments with his plastic surgeon. - TRA

10:22 Restrepo was the better documentary, but Inside Job was a quality film. - TRA

10:22 Speaking of soapbox.... - KJE

10:19 Oprah Winfrey is going to shoot lasers out of her minge. - TRA

10:19 Auto-Tuning the Oscars should be jumping the shark, but it was delightful. No w Oprah buying a soapbox? Gross. - KJE

10:16 He had me until he gave a shout out to the state of Delaware. That state should be sent out to sea on fire. - TRA

10:16 "Thanks to NYU Graduate Film Program." You'll be making short features ad nausea. - KJE

10:14 It's truly hard to make a joke about immigrant and refugee children. I'm trying, but I'm not Louis C.K. - KJE

10:14 And now, it's the Abbot and Costello of oscar winners. - TRA

10:06 Mandy, you've come a long way from "Candy." - KJE

10:05 Mandy Moore, Jared Phillips' secret lover. - TRA

10:03 Give it to Randy Newman, you bastards. You know why? Because if Dido wins an Oscar I have zero faith in mankind. - TRA

10:02 "Classy Move Obama." - Jared Phillips. Followed by Kevin Spacey. Fail - KJE

10:02 Obama is such a liar. He had It's Hard Out Here For A Pimp. - TRA

10:00 Well, she can read, so that's a plus. - TRA

9:57 Our movie was shitty, but we won best make-up. Tom Savini-wannabe. - KJE

9:54 I'd still unabashedly make out with Marisa Tomei. Twice. - KJE

‎9:55 "Congratulations Nerds." More Brilliant Franco. - KJE

9:52 If this wasn't for cancer, I'd make a crack about how Celine Dion deserves to be thrown into a dryer spin cycle. - TRA

9:50 Well, he is the Dick King, after all. Thank you, thank you very much. - TRA

9:49 Still no desire to see Tron:Legacy. Would rather watch Birdemic: Shock and Terror. - KJE

‎9:46 Scarlett, you look like a Thai hooker. - TRA

9:44 Mr. Self-Destruct. "I hope T-REZ fucks that Oscar like an animal." Adam Elliott - KJE

9:42 Also, Nicole Kidman's face is more immovable than the gay denial in Hugh Jackman's soul. - TRA

9:41 The Oscars are gonna have to blow George Lucas now. - TRA

9:41 We can totally cut out all of this "how music is made for movies" fodder. Can't Pauly Shore just give these awards from a hotel in Panama Beach? - KJE

‎9:40 Anne Hathaway's man hands will make you pray for death. - TRA

9:39 She doesn't seem that thrilled that the Academy Awards will be on ABC for the next 8 years. - TRA

9:35 Christian Bale with the evening's most decent acceptance speech. Outside of that "my wife is my mast" dick joke. - TRA

9:33 That beard. That beard should have its own zip code. - TRA

9:31 If anything from The Kids Are All Right wins, a small child will be beaten with a tennis racket. - TRA

9:29 And we're back. And here's this woman and her boobs. And here's Reese Witherspoon with her HAIR BACK AND FORTH. - TRA

‎9:27 Just glad my favorite film of 2010 -- Dogtooth -- was even nominated. - KJE

9:26 First Charlie Sheen joke -- Drink. - KJE

8:24 Trying to figure out why Hugh Jackman is the centre of focus tonight? Cuz the Oprah crash? - KJE


9:18 Yeasayer in a Diet Coke commercial!!! - KJE

9:17 Only Mark Wahlberg could undersell an Oscar nominated script. - TRA

9:16 His acceptance speech is so dramatic. This category is becoming more predictable than BSA. - KJE

9:14 Aaron Sorkin wins! Which comes as a shock to absolutely to no one. - TRA

‎9:11 Was that Fancy Feast commercial or a preview of my life in purgatory. Christ. - TRA

9:10 If you are personally invested in Dancing With the Stars, you are a drug addict. - TRA

‎9:08 Is it too late to start shooting vodka into my veins? - TRA

9:06 I didn't see any of these movies. I must be honest. You might as well just FedEx these awards to the Pixar offices, though. - TRA

9:05 But HTTYD is in my Top Ten Films of the year. - KJE

‎9:04 Carol picked "The Lost Thing," I went with the Pixar lock. Thanks Pixar. I hope Toy Story 3 loses now, even if I did cry. - KJE

9:04 They also win the Oscar for height difference. Good lord. - TRA

‎9:01 "Congratu-f-ing-lations" -- Brilliant Franco. Nice Joke Timberlake. - KJE

8:59 Did she just get bleeped or was that my t.v.? - TRA

8:58 David O'Russell's thoughts -- "I Fucking Hate This Woman." - KJE

8:56 Hugh Jackman isn't laughing, he's straining to understand you. - TRA

8:56 Me too. Hope they didn't pick the little girl for little girl's sake. - KJE

8:54 I have Melissa Leo for this one, but do I really care? No, no I do not. - TRA

8:54 Sadly, no one saw the wonderful Animal Kingdom. - KJE


8:51 Let's be honest. You'd rather see Charlie Sheen up there now. - KJE

8:47 Wally Pfister. Somebody lost the name raffle. - TRA

8:47 - Great name -- Wally Pfister. Vivid is calling him to be a cinematographer just to have his name in the credits. - KJE

8:45 I picked Alice, but didn't watch it. I think Burton has run out of children's dreams to ruin. - KJE

8:43 Titanic, fuck you sideways, you were one of the most brutal theater going experiences in my life. - TRA

8:41 Love how Franco is playing a little Daniel from Freaks and Geeks. - KJE

‎8:40 Whoever thought up this opening bullshit should be smacked in the face with a laserdisc copy of Switchblade Sisters. - TRA

‎8:37 I just remembered, the Oscars are perpetually BORING. Goddamnit. - TRA

8:36 Better than the last 5 years of SNL. - KJE

‎8:34 Okay, alright, this isn't too terrible. - TRA

8:32 Please be entertaining. - KJE

8:31 Okay, I just forgot how good Winter's Bone was. Anne Hathaway is already terrible. - TRA

‎8:26 Tom Hanks is the unfunny uncle that used to be cool but then had to stop drinking and smoking pot. - TRA

8:24 Halle Berry is an Ohio girl? Maybe that's why she has trailer park hair. - TRA

8:23 Hugh Jackman, you are gay. It's okay to admit it, it's the modern era. Only right wing assholes will judge you. - TRA

8:22 Jokes about ABC's cable of worthless programming is too easy. Body of Proof. Sorry Internet. - KJE

8:19 Adjustment Bureau? Mad Men with stupid hats and Matt Damon. FAIL. - TRA

8:18 The Adjustment Bureau = The Bourne Inception? - KJE

‎8:14 Gwyneth Paltrow, you look spotty and you're married to a terrible musician, but I still love you. - TRA

8:14 Gwyneth Paltrow is against the Avant-Garde and loves Jay-Z. - KJE

‎8:13 Ok. Now I can tell one of these women to shut their Rabbit Hole. She was in BMX Bandits though.

8:09 Whoever that guy wuz just gave away the whole thing. Do I have to watch this? Oh wait, unlike the Grammy's I actually enjoy the Oscars. - KJE

8:08 Yeah, I know it doesn't start until 8:30, but I don't give a shit. HEADS MUST ROLL. Also, who is this unbelievable douchemop talking right now? - TRA

8:06 Sandra Bullock Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness. Jesse James R.I.P. - KJE

‎8:04 Franco is so blitzed right now.- TRA

‎8:02 Natalie Portman murdered Grimace. And yes, I know I recycled that joke from the Grammys. - TRA

8:01 Jennifer Hudson, I want to lay you down and make sweet love to you. Is that too much? - TRA

Here We Go:

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